When Your Kids Need Money: How Boomers Can Help Without Hurting Themselves

You raised them. You helped them through college. And now, years later, you are still writing checks. If that sounds familiar, you are far from alone.

Nearly two in five parents of young children expect to receive or ask for financial help from their own parents or grandparents over the next year, according to the BMO Real Financial Progress Index survey. Among those expecting help, 47 percent said relatives would provide cash for everyday necessities. Another quarter expected contributions to 529 plans or other savings accounts.

For many in our generation, the help is real money. Nine in 10 grandparents spend something on their grandchildren, averaging about $2,654 a year, according to AARP. Altogether, AARP estimates grandparents provide roughly $172 billion in direct financial support annually, plus another $731 billion worth of unpaid care, based on the estimated value of their time.

Some Grandparents Are Dipping Into Retirement Accounts

It is not just spending money. According to separate AARP research, 11 percent of grandparents surveyed reported withdrawing from savings or retirement accounts to help their grandchildren financially. That is a number worth sitting with.

Haron Marlee knows the feeling well. The 59-year-old semi-retired therapist spent $24,000 in a single year helping her grown daughter and grandchildren, Bloomberg News reported. The money covered diapers, gas, car insurance, and more.

Marlee had moved from New Jersey to Florida expecting to work part time, focus on her health, and spend more time playing tennis. Instead, she became a regular babysitter and picked up bartending shifts to help her 36-year-old daughter’s family after the daughter’s marriage ended and she struggled to find work.

“Those burdens fundamentally changed my finances, my retirement plans,” Marlee told Bloomberg.

Eventually, Marlee set firmer boundaries. Her daughter began helping with cooking, cleaning, and then contributing to rent and household expenses. The shift made things more manageable for both of them.

Why It Keeps Happening and Why It Is So Hard to Stop

Robert Laura, founder of the Retirement Coaches Association, told the New York Post that this pattern is now the norm. He said a tough combination of housing costs, college debt, and other expenses has made financial independence genuinely harder for younger adults today.

Laura described it as a shift toward what he calls “staged launches”, grown children leaving the nest gradually rather than all at once. “The idea is more around staged launches than whether they fail or not fail to launch,” he said.

The support does not always stop once those children become parents, either. Laura said he has seen grandparents pay private school bills, cover medical costs, and step in for unexpected expenses like car repairs needed to keep an adult child working.

Beyond direct cash, grandparents are also embedded deeply in child care. About 21.8 percent of parents reported using a relative other than a parent for child care, according to Census survey data. Roughly 2.1 million grandparents have primary responsibility for grandchildren living with them.